(This piece was submitted as a poem, but EIC Kelly Esparza felt it worked better as a hybrid/experimental piece.)

[Starring N as Negative Thoughts and C as their Counter. And so it begins!]

N: …You are the sick girl. The runt of the litter doesn’t get picked, girl.
C: And you’re so sure being married to my pride isn’t better than being hitched, girl?
N: Clearly you’re the “make-the-joke-before-they-can” type of girl.
C: Oh, I’m just your average sweet daydreamer with mismatched socks, but fuck with me? And I don’t need a man. My gun is loaded and cocked, girl.
N: I know exactly what you are. You can’t cover up the stinking squelch of your spilling guts, girl.
C:  Cover up? Yes, well, I’d rather be called a prude than be another Gen Z slut.
N: But what about your poor, aging parents? I know what they really think: “She-wouldn’t-be-so-bratty-if-we-threw-her-out-on-her-butt.”
C: My parents love me. I’m their little girl.
N: You are the “what’s-one-more-little-white-lie?” girl. The “overshare-to-justify-what’s-inside” girl.
The “why-is-she-always-so-mad?” girl. You are the “says-she-doesn’t-need-attention-but-wants-it-bad” girl.
C: Stop. Stop it—
N: Because being the sick girl means you’re stuck in bed while all your friends grow up and leave. Because being the sick girl means you’d let them drag you through the mud if only to hold on to their sleeve.
You say no to the drinks ‘cause of all the pills you take, girl.
You say yes to the pills ‘cause it’s the only relief you might not have to fake, girl.
These same excuses over and over again are—not unlike you—growing old, girl.
C: Thoughts can’t hurt you. That’s what I’ve been told—
N: And where is the “fun girl?”
The “makes-everyone-laugh-and-feel-cheerfully-young” girl? The “oh-she’s-too-kind!” girl.
C: Oh…you mean that “use-her-and-leave-her-behind” girl?
N: Oh, yes! THAT sick girl!

[And so it goes…]

Katie Larson (she/her) is a disabled 24-year-old woman and native Californian. She is an aspiring writer, poet, and mixed media artist. She has been previously published in FLARE Magazine for her photography.

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