You have a new message in the patient portal from your provider
Click on this link to view it.
***
In response to your recent visit:
We’re sorry, but we don’t understand your kind of broken—which really means that there isn’t enough research into your particular genetic/chronic situation (did we not tell you, with startled confusion, that we have never seen someone react to those meds like you? And that they were the only good choice we had?). Maybe in twenty years, we’ll understand why your body is so determined to rip itself apart organ by organ, system by system, splitting at the seams with stretch marks left by your renewing skin and bruises on your back from your own spine. Then, perhaps, we can develop more information/help/solutions that would’ve made you feel less insane when you sat on the paper-covered bench last week, trying your best to explain a series of medical phenomena that have left you sleepless and hopeless and worried that you will never, ever, get to be independent.
The problem is, we don’t have those potential solutions now. But don’t lose hope!
This is just how progress works.
We (your providers) get to learn from you. Isn’t that exciting?
Keep taking your prescribed medications in the meantime. Your other conditions are not compatible with alternative treatment, so more pills are your best bet. We want you to come back for a follow-up visit at our next available opening in two three six ten months. During this visit, we will ask for updates on your relevant condition. We will then suggest a new treatment route that either A) contradicts another provider’s existing treatment plan, or B) is incompatible with your malfunctioning body. (Of course, we will sigh sympathetically when you tell us, “Hold on, but…” and of course, we will admit our mistake. This will do nothing to make you feel less of a burden to us, the overworked professionals you rely on). After that, there is a 50/50 chance that we will divert our attention to a symptom that is irrelevant at the moment and not what you are seeing us for.
This is just our process.
Remember, you can always use this portal to ask questions about new or recurring symptoms! A nurse will read your message and give you the wrong answer once or twice, but the message will eventually reach our actual inbox, where you will receive a helpful response approximately 7-10 days after you needed it.
Take care, and we will see you in ten months.
Also: we feel that perhaps you are more complicated than we are equipped to handle alone. Have you tried seeing someone else?
End message.
Amber Budd (she/her) holds an AFA and BA in Creative Writing and began her MFA in Writing in the fall of 2025. Her writing has been published in FLARE Magazine, Blood+Honey, Belladonna’s Garden, Arrow Rock Literary Journal, as well as other places. She currently serves as the editor-in-chief for the magazine she founded, The Orange Rose Literary Magazine.
Instagram: @amberbuddwrites
Website: amberbuddauthor.com