I Used to Love Rain
I used to love the rain,
before it made my bones ache
and my joints scream.
Now my muscles swell with the changes
in barometric pressure.
My head dizzy and sore as heat and moisture rise.
I used to love the pitter-patter
of water meeting the windowpanes.
Droplets kissing each other
and moving on.
Gravity pulling them down.
They slither off the windowsill,
collecting in a puddle down below.
A cistern for the creatures
hiding from the storm.
I used to love the sweet dewy smell
rising in the air.
Before the clouds gorged
and cried.
Thunderous wailing.
Rage flashing.
Tears of the sky adorn my house.
Plants rejoice in their long-awaited prayers.
I used to love how rain spoke to the earth.
Showering it with love
and attention.
But now I can only pay attention to my pain.
The beauty of drizzling rain unchanging
but I can no longer see it.
I hold on to the memory of
a time before pain,
when storms only meant rain.
You Were Sick Too
Chronic illness was a part of my life
Long before I became ill myself
Regular pharmacy runs
Pill splitters and blister packs
Were a typical Tuesday for my family
That’s true for everyone, right?
I’d ask the kids at school,
“Does your dad inject himself with insulin before meals too?”
“Has your dad had a heart attack yet?”
I thought diabetes and clogged arteries were rites of passage every father went through
As my health worsened, you and Mummy wondered how I got these chronic conditions
That no one else in the family has dealt with anything like this before
Except you were sick too
You managed your health in silence
Took your meds and went to your appointments
No big deal
A strong man doesn’t ask for help
He’s the one others come to when they need help
But your health caught up to you
It was always going to
Your weary heart could only take so much
I can’t run to you for help anymore
But your silent strength taught me that
Needing help doesn’t make you weak
Neither does asking for it
Anna Samson (they/she) is a desi, queer, disabled writer, editor, and advocate living in Toronto, ON. Some of their poems have been published in BiPan Magazine, Project Wellness Magazine, and The Graveyard Zine. Anna started writing poetry and essays as a way to cope with disability and has since expanded into writing about social justice, love, friendship, and more. They completed JAYU’s iAM Intro to Poetry Program and hold a Bachelor of Arts in English & Cultural Studies from McMaster University. In their free time, you can find Anna reading or hanging out with their pets.
Instagram: @annasamsonwrites