It visited her every month. Of all life’s uncertainties, this was the one thing, although unwanted, that she could rely on. It even cruelly left little marks of blood behind, just like a vile monster, reminding her it would be back. But the blood stains were her proof that she didn’t make it up.
The monthly visits started when she was 13 years old. A tender innocent age, unable to guess its harmful intentions. It just casually arrived one day, catching her off guard. Of course, in the early stages, she didn’t fear it. Although unusual, she couldn’t predict the harm that would later come. Just like any predator, it tested the waters first. It started off slowly with gentle flows. Letting her adapt and keeping her guard down. If anything, its mysteriousness lured her in with curiosity. Who was this visitor and what did it want?
Although she didn’t particularly enjoy the visits, it became almost natural once the novelty had worn off. It would come and stay and eventually leave, only to return the following month. The cycle became clear and predictable, and soon enough, it was just part of her life.
But then on one of the visits, it became practically agitated. She tried to calm her guest down to no avail. She ran around her home, frantically looking for solutions. Maybe she could offer it a snack? Some relaxing breathing exercises? A blanket for warmth? Perhaps some pain killers? No, none of those would do, and finally, she gave in to the visitor. Days later, once it was finished, it left without a word, it’s usual departure.
On its next visit, it wasted no time with greetings and settling in. It went straight to the assault. This lasted for seven days. Beaten up so badly that she couldn’t even try and fight back. Not knowing how to stop it, she protectively folded in fetal position and painfully waited for it to leave. Once finally gone, she realized the gravity of those visits, and although unsure how to ask for help, as it was widely discouraged to speak of your visitor, she knew she couldn’t tackle this alone.
She tried to describe the assault to her mother but only to be repeatedly reassured that it was natural and part of growing up. Her friends, clearly not understanding the severity of the situation, found her story funny and imaginative. She wondered why no one believed her. Had her visitor put them up to this?
Her visitor had indeed managed to isolate her, in turn making her even more vulnerable. Now an ideal prey, her visitor made the violent assaults the norm. The blood shed from the battles left her anemic. She would be left vomiting, fainting, and losing handfuls of hair. This visitor wanted to finish her.
Others weren’t listening, but she had had enough of the assaults. She would fight back on her own. She used the quiet time between visits to her advantage. She strategized a plan. Her first step was to optimize her health for fighting stamina. She would do this through improving her sleep, daily low impact exercises, and nutrition. After all, vampires were fought off with garlic. Maybe an anti-inflammatory diet would do it for her. And finally in case of defeat, she organized a recovery corner in her bedroom. Equipped with fluffy duvets, pillows, hot water bottles, and lots of pain killers. She dared the visitor to come back.
But it did come back. Seemingly angered by the acts of defiance, it continued with the monthly assaults, becoming stronger and more violent. Being healthier and prepared gave her a better fighting chance, but in the end, she always came out the loser.
With time, the monthly assaults had such a grave impact on her health that even when the visitor wasn’t there, she would suffer. She had long lasting aches and scars from war. As her health declined, it became harder for others to ignore. Finally, her mother decided it was time to see a doctor.
The doctor listened with caution and decided on a long list of tests to be completed to confirm the diagnosis. But he spoke frankly with them. He suspected that her monthly visitor was not a visitor at all, but a monster called endometriosis who disguised as her menstrual flow. He explained that endometriosis was a condition that affected one in ten women, where tissue grew outside their uterus. An oversimplified answer for such a complex condition. In medical school, he had heard rumors of such monsters, but research and treatment were limited at best. Most medical professionals were too scared to deal with such a monster. Whilst he was sympathetic, there wasn’t much he could do.
She left the doctor’s office feeling defeated. She knew she could no longer fight her visitor-turned-monster by herself. Accepting the monthly assaults would be a life sentence. This was her life, the only one she knew, and while she loved it, she wanted more. The only way out was to find an army. She reminded herself that she was one in ten; she was not alone. Women who bleed and bleed painfully were all around her. She would find her sisterhood. She was ready to fight back. Her monster had visitors coming.
Marie-Eve (she/her) is a Québecoise living in Wellington, New Zealand and works as a nursery teacher. She has previously published in Montréal Writes, Quail Bell, LitBreak Magazine, Academy of the Heart and Mind, Afterpast Review, The Amazine, Hungry Zine, Juste Milieu Zine, Scraps Magazine, Unlikely Stories Mark V, Elixir Verse Press, Pictura Journal, Honeyguide, and Chicken Soup for the Soul.
Instagram: @marie.eve.bernier