*Content Warning: references to physical/emotional trauma

Does everyone see
exactly what’s inside of me?
Do they see it all rolled out
or do I get away with my emotions?
Do I successfully hide
these terrible feelings that are held inside?
Am I able to convey
the lie of happiness every day?
Or does someone notice
that little twitch
on the side of my mouth?
I wish I could understand it.
The feeling I have,
the need to hide
what I really feel—
who I really am deep inside.
Am I slow to guess?
Or are others starting to notice?
Am I breaking apart at my stitches?
I was never told this.
What to say and how to be—
why everyone ignores me—
maybe it’s because they think they know
They think I am just a simple throw.
They toss me in a basket.
They toss me aside.
They toss me out the window,
because sometimes I fly.
Yet sometimes I fall.
I fall, but I do not scream,
because I am used to the feeling—
the shocking feeling of falling,
and the harsh pain at the end
when I finally hit the pavement
and the street sweeper takes me away—
one less problem for them to deal with that day.

Draygen Zar (she/her) graduated in 2022 with a B.A. in English and minors in creative writing and political science and in 2024 with an M.A. in English with a track in creative writing. She enjoys writing free verse poetry, fiction, personal narrative essays, and short stories. She has three books in progress: a compilation of fictional short stories, autobiographical essays, and a nonfiction account of her family’s history, as well as a free verse chapbook describing her life experiences.